The problem with New Zealand

"(She) is going through a traumatic time at the moment. Lots of people have problems at home and if you can't get support from school what hope do you have?"
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4282181a10.html


When are people going to learn it is not societies responsibility to fix our mistakes and solve our problems but our own?

Summer is coming!

Blue sky, sun, and heat! Summer is on the way. I sit in the computer room vision going blury. Feeling though I would be more in place wearing just speedos and sipping on an ice cold pina-colada. Heat-stroke from working too hard becomes a distinct possibility. The cheap lcd screen is really crap and blury, or maybe its just my vision fading. My brain feels distant and fuzzy as I try to slave away on NDAET assignments. Im thankful they dont run polytech over summer.

Oh wait, sorry its not that hot outside yet. Polytech just decided to install the airconditioning controls in an area only accesible by staff. They then set the thermostat at a level comfortable for the visiting pacific island students and dont change it to normality afterwards.

I love polytech systems. "We can't let the students play with the airconditioning controls, it might allow them to get work done or make them comfortable"

Happy?

I have often heard it said, that to enjoy climbing mountains you must be an optimist with poor memory. So you always think things are going to work out well and forget all the painfull times and times things havn't worked out well. I think this can relate to how we live our lives. The human body is designed to forget pain. Try recalling and recreating exactly how the most excruciating pain you have ever felt felt. If you're anything like me or most others, you will remember that you never want to feel it again, but not the exact pain. Walking up hills is like this. Each step might hurt at times, but once you get to the top the pain drifts into a distant memory. The view and reward of reaching the top, of overcoming the pain and of enjoying natures beauty consumes you.

I wish to live my life like this, relishing the moments of joy and learning from but moving on from the moments of pain. Ive been reflecting lately on just how good life is at the moment. I am blessed truly by God. I have a wonderful caring family, awesome mates, a beautiful country where I can escape and enjoy God's creation, an amazing girlfriend, a body designed by God that works well, the freedom to worship God and perhaps most importantly every day I seem to be drawing closer to God.

I think reflecting on this has made me realise two things. Firstly right now I need to live life and love others as if I have never been hurt before, as if I have never been through the painful times before. Just relish the absolute joy and leap headfirst into living with it. Secondly that painful times, hard experiences will keep coming, but I just need to fight through them, trust in God and learn from them. The pain will fade eventually. God wants us to work through and learn so we can experience his joy and peace and love. Just like climbing that hill, the thousands of painful steps and searing lungs fade into oblivion as I admire the view from the top.

Contemplations

Tortured souls surround me
Deprived of love they weep
Hurting, needing, crying
Searching for completion

Pain drives them on
Destructively they labour
Desperate to fade their pain
All attempts though futile

While of God's love I know
A grace so hard to face
Love that soothes my soul
Selfishly I drink it up

Still all around the world weeps
In tears of silent agony
All for want of the love I know
Love that yearns to be shared

Yet still I'm scared
Still I stop and judge
What if I stopped and loved?

Fire

A fairly typical Saturday night in Timaru. Out comes the fire staff and a bottle or three of kerosene. One day when I stop at the supermarket to grab a few things and a bottle of kerosense, whilst I insist they don't put the kerosense in a whole new bag (as they inevitably try to do). I will actually pull the line out "no don't worry, just put it in the same bag, I just drink it anyway". But I have been too chicken so far. They just look at me weird enough when I say not to worry and to put the kerosense and my milk and eggs in the same bag. Incidently, if anybody knows a good place to purchase cheap relatively pure (additive free please, kerosense in my mouth is nasty enough, let alone lots of additives) kerosense from, please let me know. Gareth took the below photo of me during a recent Saturday night burn.

Insignificance

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth

I have been contemplating lately, how blessed I am. This amazing God, that created the whole enormous earth, that is perfect, that has every right to smite us from this planet. Instead loves me, loves me enough to give me so many amazing opportunities, abilities, gifts and friends. This year, whilst incredibly busy and difficult with the amount of things on for tech, has been awesome for me. Lately I have been finding it very humbling just sitting down and thinking how much I have, and how little I deserve, what have I dont for it really? We are but tiny in signifigance in this world. Yet God cares enough to fish me out of a flooded river last year, cares enough to give me so much. He has given me so much yet I can give so little in return.

The miracle of grace.

Don't know if you can see, but near the high point of the snow in the above photo stands a person. The cliff was quite big. Definately made one feel insignificant.

This changing world

I read in the paper yesterday, scientists predict that a world-wide rise in ocean levels by 90 cm, would leave 60 million refugees. Scientists predict that if the Greenland ice shelf were to entirely melt, ocean levels would rise 7 m.

On my mind lately has been how I live my life in this consumer driven western world and correlate this with my faith. In regards to both third world poverty and the environment. I think much has been said and discussed regarding third world poverty, whilst the environemt and its changes have most definately taken a back-seat. The world is beginning to sit up and notice, observe what we are doing to this planet. Sustainability, global-warming are all words thrown round in debates and heated conversations. Environmental education has evolved throughout history, through phases of the doom and gloom (concentration on the huge issues of why the environment is dying - kind of like damnation preaching), the green mother earth aspects (can anyone say hippie communes) and now increasingly on to what we can do (reduce, reuse, recycle - drive a hybrid).

For me as a Christian, I see it as part and parcel of my faith that God has given us this world, to enjoy, to live in and to look after for him. I also see it as part of my faith that I look out from myself as much as possible as to how I live my life. Seeking to satisfy God's will, serve others and serve myself last. I am by no means perfect at this and it is an ongoing struggle. However it alarms me that, we as christians seem to not be on the leading edge of reasonable movements to preserve this world. Unfortunately at times we seem instead to end on opposing sides to those that seek to look after our planet. I see potential for the Church to do good for this world, serve God and create awareness in the community. Instead so often we seem to antagonise. How hypocritical must it appear, we claim God has created this world for us, and we try to serve him. Yet we continue on our life-styles that are fast desecrating our world.

"I have been to Notre Dame; churches galore. None can hold a candle to the mountains. What men spent 200 years to build, is outshone by God's afterthoughts."

Yet we live our lives, new houses, bigger houses, new car, new computer, plastic bags from the supermarket, packaging packaging packaging, drive here drive there, new clothes the second hand shop smells funny and so on. Focussed on ourselves, unaware of the impact we are having on God's world he has given us care of. Aware that due to tenure review between high country farmers and the government hundreds of hectares of previously crown owned land are being turned over into freehold ownership of the farmers. Lake Tekapo looks threatened to become the next Queenstown. We all tut tut at the past environmental damage "what fools would introduce possums". Yet despite possums vastly outnumbering us, mankind seems to have done far more damage to New Zealands native environment.

In balance, I believe God calls us to do what he wants us to, not to fix the world. I believe this world is not perfect, that since the fall this world has been destined to end at some stage. However I also believe this does not excuse us from any change in our lifestyles. I do not see it possible for the Western World to undergo a paradigm shift overnight. However I do believe if each of us, slowly changes our habits. If the church as a whole begins to adopt attitudes that lead the way, reduce their consumerism and show the world the little steps, the easy steps. We can do our bit to look after God's gift to us.

For me, I only hope I can transfer some of these thoughts into actions. I very much believe that if I take responsibility to be willing to step out and change some things for God, for this world, and for the future then God will lead me on. That if each of us changes one small thing, that this may inspire further change.

I suppose what it boils down to is this: If I can change one of my habits each year, and inspire another to do the same and so forth. That is a lot of change by the time i reach 50. I feel my responsibility is not to save the world, merely to refrain from doing my utmost to destroy it.

Quotes that mean something to me

"Alpinists are optimists with lousy short term memory"

“You cannot stay on the summit forever; you have to come down again. So why bother in the first place? Because what is below does not know what is above, but what is above knows what is below. One climbs, one sees. one descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” - Rene Daumal

"I really suffered today but the quality of the suffering was good"

"Hours slide by like minutes. The accumulated clutter of day-to-day existence – the lapses of conscience, the unpaid bills, the bungled opportunities, the dust under the couch, the inescapable prison of your genes – all of it is temporarily forgotten, crowded from your thoughts by an overpowering clarity of purpose by the seriousness of the task at hand." - Jon Krakauer

"Solo climbing is like life; a mystery, unpredictable, risky, often dependent on chance, and somewhat illogical" - Reinhold Messner

"I'd reather be in the mountains thinking about God, then be in church thinking about the mountains."

"I have been to Notre Dame; churches galore. None can hold a candle to the mountains. What men spent 200 years to build, is outshone by God's afterthoughts."

"Without the possibility of death, adventure is not possible." - Reihnhold Messner

Aspiring

Aching cold bites through my clothes
As step by step I conquer gravity
Battle raging on icy mountain face
While far below the world sleeps

Plunge, step, step; plunge, step, step
Endless seems the marching rhythm
Yet for just one slip.
An icy grave would call my name

Horizon burns with rising sun
It teases as a glowing ember
Till sky bursts to brilliant flames
Searing eyes and warming souls

Delicious burning pain in warming hands
Toes turn from wood to flesh again
All while the fight continues on
Plunge, step, step, goes the battle cry

Proudly staunch stands the icy face
Sun fuelled desire drives me forward
Below the world wakes, oblivious
To battles won and victories earned above

Strangled by life

Tramping in Stewart Island the other week I encountered some of the thickest scrub I have ever seen. It was so thick in patches we needed the pruning saw to make progress. It reduced us to a mere crawling average speed of 200m per hour! Eventually it forced us to bivouac in dense scrub.

As seen above it wasn't the most comfortable of nights. Wearing every layer I had, huddled under an emergency blanket sitting on my pack.

However what struck me most about the scrub. Was whilst it was fast approaching darkness, we were in scrub over our head. It surrounded you and inhibited nearly all movement without intense physical effort. It felt like life at times, everything so overpowering you lose sense of direction and it just feels like a constant struggle. However at one point I stopped when I came near a rock. Deciding to bash a few metres off track and climb it I was greeted by the most amazing view of the sunset.

I think so often when life gets crazy we need to find a rock to climb and sit for a moment. Gaze in awe at some of the beauty of this world. Spend some time with some good mates. Then get back into the tough grunt work.

Winnie the Poo

Sitting on the plane I had some time to sit and muse as one does. The girl sitting next to me looked about 15, maybe 16. At some stage during the flight she pulls out her backpack. A bright purple winnie the poo backpack. Searches through it for something and in the process pulls out the ol Port Royal tobacco pouch. Whilst in itself and today's society the fact she smoked was no major suprise. However the image and contrast really spoke to me and made me wonder. This young person, with a backpack themed from a childrens story book character. Along with this rough imaged tobacco. It made me realise how children these days grow up in a world where they are exposed to decisions and choices that have traditionally been associated with adulthood at an increasingly young age. Decisions and choices that have life long sometimes serious consequences. They are making these decisions at an age where many studies have claimed they lack the cognitive ability to corralate short term choices with long term consequences and outcomes. When I was young this meant I thought wow cool, theres a big ditch lets see if I can jump this in my bike. The end result: 4 black lines punctured and tatooed into my ankle for several years from the chain ring on my bike. Now we just have to look at the news.

It seems more and more I am constantly struck by a realisation of how much of God's love this world requires. And how ill-prepared I am for the purpose of passing it on.

Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why?

Read a cool book recently: Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales. It's about people in crisis situations, survival situations and how our minds and bodies react. How we can best train ourselves for survival situations. The author has done heaps of research and tells lots of stories in the book about survival situations, both where people have survived and where people have died. It was a fascinating book that I would highly recommend, to anyone interested in how the human mind / body reacts to stress / crisis situations, not just to outdoors orientated people.

Amazing and scary, the book goes through how our minds can lock onto what we expect to see and see that and nothing else. People have the ability to apparantly make completely irrational decisions when lost or panicking. It is easy for us to think we would never do that, but will we get to find out until its too late?

Its got me thinking lots about how firstly I can interact with life and risk. There is a fine balanced line to walk between experience making life safer, and experience leading you to let your guard down. Secondly how I percieve the world around me. How much is actual observation, how much is my mind seeing what it expects to see.

Read the book

Ponderings

Well, its been a while since i posted here. Since then I've spent several weeks rock climbing at Arapalies in Australia along with many others things. However I've also been pondering about life. Watching people hurt, watching people search for love and satisfaction. In the news 33 people shot dead in America. Hundreds dead in Iraq. Then i go to churchs' and hear sermons on committing to God, on setting ourselves apart for him and opening up to him, about not being afraid to step out and do his work. Then i read my bible about Jesus hanging out with the sinners, the prostitutes, societies scum. Those that are not loved by many. I see a shortage of people willing to just go and love these people. Probably cause they are hard to love, embarassing to love at times. It's with a mixture of fear and excitement i realise God has chosen us, me, you, in fact everyone to love as his children. Excitement: how amazing this is. Fear that i struggle to reciprocate this. I can never love him back as much as he deserves. Possibly worse still, I can never pass on this love to others as well as I wish i could. However bring on this journey. After all, we have nothing to fear but God, and perhaps fear itself.

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in" - Greek Proverb

I hope this day and this life of mine i manage to do deeds i know i shall recieve joy from, other then the realisation i have passed on just a tiny fraction of God's love

Take only photos, leave only three slings, two snow-stakes and one large bag of rubbish!

Hey all, been a while. Heres a thing i wrote up about our mountain intensive last week.

Monday morning began all to early but with much excitement as we left Aoraki polytechnic in style at 5am. The powers that be decided we could in fact drive in the luxury wheels of the Nissan station wagon #10. Destined for a mid-day helicopter flight up into the Franz Neve with a fine forecast and plenty of great food and climbing gear the week promised to be a good one! The excitement however nearly began all to early as we left Wanaka (after the compulsory pie and petrol stop) and cyclists began to invade the road. First I committed to an all too small gap passing a cyclist with the oncoming car deciding it did in fact want to drive right next to the center line. Thankfully we got through with a comfortable 30cm or so to spare on each side. After this stunning display of my alertness after a 4am alarm I handed the wheel over to Weasel after stopping for more petrol at Hast. The invasion of the cyclists continued. Including a particularly dangerous pair who thought it wise to ride two abreast with a large motor caravan and us stuck behind them. Finally a spot to pass, and suddenly Andy has his head out the window on the way past, “MOVE OVER!” is yelled in no uncertain terms to the offending parties. Finally leaving the army of cyclists behind we catch up to not one, not two but THREE family wagon people mover type rentals driving in convoy. Not too worry after Mikes earlier display of driving today is obviously our lucky day so Weasel decides to really test out the “sports mode” on the automatic gearbox and passes all three in one go. By now we are deciding perhaps the climbing is going to be the safe part of the week.
However before we know it we are bundled into the helicopter and heading for Centennial hut on the Franz Neve! Thanks to our early start we are able to claim bunks in the already well populated hut. By that evening there are two parties outside digging snow caves as the hut is full. After the first evening already Andy has declared with this many helicopters coming and going it must be fine to leave a large communal bag of rubbish to be flown out! A rare treat for an Aoraki trip, not carrying your own rubbish out.
After a late start on Tuesday morning as there was no freeze we are headed up Mt Jervois. After a few cruisy pitches and a bit of scrambling we reach a large gendarme. Since it looks decisively nasty, steep, with shallow snow and lots of flaky black rock we sit down and have a discussion. Eventually it is decided we will have a look at it! Since Weasel has had a year off mountaineering I take the first (short) lead, build an anchor and sit down in the sun to belay. Weasel is now left to come across the easy scramble then lead up the steep snow to the steeper choss pile of exposed black wheat-bix rock which crosses into a gully of very shallow snow. This on a climb the guidebook described as a good climb for before breakfast! Alas it is not to be. Due to a distinct lack of any anchors or even rock staying together enough to hold on to, after a large climb up and down by Weasel and a tiring belay sitting in the sun by me. We turn around and head back for lunch.
Wednesday morning is not to be so cruisy, 4am finds us wandering across the glacier towards our goal for the day, The Minarets. What a day, sun, steep ice, and we made it to the top! 3031 meters with a view to die for! Memorable moments of Wednesday include: Andy dropping his ice-screw and me catching it for him, Andy dropping Weasels caribiner (luckily for Andy it stopped sliding 100 meters below us and was retrievable on our way down), Andy following me over a snow bridge and falling in the slot up to his armpits and finally Andy kindly lightening our loads for walking out by getting us to leave behind two slings and two crappy old snow stakes as rap anchors on the way down. 15 hours later we arrived back well content to the hut.
The next two days are spent walking to Chancellor hut and down onto the glacier before flying out. However on the way we manage a Grand Traverse of the mighty Chancellor Dome. Along the way I try to lead a pitch of rock as an alternate route. Unfortunately i get half way up and discover the large scary looking loose block above us we saw from the ground looks far worse and far scarier when I am immediately beneath it. Kind of like looking down the barrel of a canon in fact. So goes sling #3 as i rap back down to safety and we take the alternate route around. As I climb on to the helicopter on Friday morning I do so both with a sense of relief (we are flying the last stretch rather then a six hour dodgy scramble round seracs, ice-cliffs and scree) and also regret. Regret to be leaving such an amazing place. After a week in such beautiful yet humbling surroundings one cannot leave unchanged or uninspired. So with such an amazing beginning bring on third year mountain for 2007